*Warning – there is a lot of talk about body functions in this article. In other words, if you’re preteen isn’t reading this they will want to.*
If you’ve never considered how players handle the call of nature during the game, prior to DK Metcalf‘s infamous clinch-walk cart debacle, you are not alone.
Players have found themselves in the ‘bowels’ of despair from time to time throughout football history.
The runs
Baltimore Ravens QB, Lamar Jackson, did the infamous alleged “poop” run of 2019.
Ravens claim that he was running because of a cramp. To which it should be asked, what actual cramp can you run with? Especially, a “cramp” that is so quickly alleviated.
Odell Beckham Jr. also ran for the bathroom during Monday Night Football in 2018. No footage was captured of this event.
When there’s no time for the clinch-walk
Rumor has it that players would wear diapers on the field, but no conclusive evidence supports this.
It’s unfortunate because it appears many players could use it.
Making history
Bathroom indiscretions weren’t discussed in print prior to the 1990’s.
There’s no photo evidence, but teammates have collaborated that Kevin Long had what was described as an attempted fart that went wrong in 1998.
Marcellus Wiley allegedly dropped something other than a football in a Championship game, according to teammate Maurice Jones-Drew. Wiley, argues that it was during a practice not a game. Either way…
Incidences in the 2010’s were caught on camera. Both players literally had the crap knocked out of them on the field.
#2 solutions
A porta-potty. The argument against these in the past has been that not all players can fit in a regular sized one. Which is hard to envision. And also untrue. Porta-potty’s come in all sizes.
The clincher sometimes does work. Dave Wyman, former Seattle Seahawk and Denver Bronco often had anxiety that gave him bubble gut on both ends before game. Preseason of his rookie year, Wyman had a fever and had a case of the bubble guts. He recalls hitting someone and ending up on the bottom of a dog-pile clenching so hard that muscle hurt for a day. He was able to make it to the restroom on time, full padding and all.
Oregon State University is on top of it – they have a portable toilet on the side of the field.
A less optimal “portable” toilet
Robbie Tobeck. Someone who literally put it ‘all’ out there for the game.
The story goes: Seattle Seahawks, Robbie Tolbert had an “violently” upset stomach the night before an away game in Washington D.C. This earned him his own room, and a handful of Imodium. Feeling safe to play and told to “tough it out” by his coach, Tobeck enters the game. Not to far in, he gets hit hard by the 340 pound player nicknamed “Big Daddy.” Tobeck requests a new uniform and a bucket immediately. Robbie had a “towel” man who held the fabric around his body while he relieved himself in the bucket throughout the game. After finishing the game, he allegedly had a “cloud” around him as he lowered the air quality in the locker room every 10-20 seconds.
The worst part: he was Matt Hasselbeck‘s center. Wide-eyed staff told the QB, far too late, that he should stop licking his fingers when he threw the ball.
The funniest part: Robbie’s daughter saran-wrapped the toilet in his bathroom at home.
Tobeck said about the day: “There was no compassion from either coach Holmgren or my kids. I was on my own.”
The dissapearing act
Last but definitely not least, is Larry Izzo‘s accomplishment.
We aren’t sure how, we don’t know where, or how it was disposed of, but Izzo pinched one off on the sidelines.
Bill Belichick was so impressed he awarded Izzo with a game ball. Something Wes Welker confirmed, was likely his most prized sports related memorabilia from his career. He was incredibly proud of himself and his reward.
And here I thought the only time there would be crap on the sidelines, was at the FedEx Stadium.
Check back in the future for a urinary analysis.
2 Comments
Thank you!
Thank you so much for the kind words!